Twanks? Twanks!

[Atavism]

Dissatisfied colonists? Ijad Parasites causing problems? Spent all your capital building a gate, and think you can't afford a safe, reliable company to secure your holdings and punish malingerers?

***CALL US TODAY***

Twanks LLC can offer you the chance to finance your own personal army of affordable, military-grade frames. We offer temp-to-hire pilot contracting, and for an additional fee we can send our founder and president, General Hezeraiah Twankus, to lead your forces in-person!

Twanks LLC's product catalog has been updated with exciting new frames for the new year:



The New Base Model, Now With New Paint!

Spoiler: show

Speedy Specialist Hi-Speed Twank with Zero-G Capable Acid-Spray Pump!!

Spoiler: show

Ultra Defense Heavy Armor Twank!!!

Spoiler: show

General Twankus' Command Artillery Twank, Featuring General Twankus' All-Seeing Omni-Eye! Now with Four-Dimentional Capability!

Spoiler: show

CALL NOW FOR RATES AND AVAILABILITY!

[skrob]

...temp-to-hire pilot contracting...

First of all, I'm stealing this idea. Just deal with it.

Secondly, that line kills me. I keep picturing bored teenagers piloting the armour, showing up late for war and bitching about their managers.

[Atavism]

...temp-to-hire pilot contracting...

First of all, I'm stealing this idea. Just deal with it.

Secondly, that line kills me. I keep picturing bored teenagers piloting the armour, showing up late for war and bitching about their managers.

Temp-to-Hire Pilot Contracting is a registered copyright of Twanks LLC, and as soon as Cleetus gets back from his lunch break we're totally gating to your system to enforce our rights.

[Lorc]

These are adorable! Perfect name too. Very reminiscent of the original Mechaton frame in shape and size. It's nice how mechy they look even without arms.

The base model is a proper walking tank. Nice and chunky and the main gun/secondary turret is a great look.

That radar on the artillery twank is so simple and given the opportunity I will steal it.

Have you given any thought to SSRs? It would be cool to see something patterned after a tank's smoke-launchers.

[Atavism]

These are adorable! Perfect name too. Very reminiscent of the original Mechaton frame in shape and size. It's nice how mechy they look even without arms.

The base model is a proper walking tank. Nice and chunky and the main gun/secondary turret is a great look.

Glad you like it!

That radar on the artillery twank is so simple and given the opportunity I will steal it.

Oh yeah, I didn't attribute because it was such a small detail, but since you brought it up- totally stolen from A. Yates. (Always steal from the best!)

Have you given any thought to SSRs? It would be cool to see something patterned after a tank's smoke-launchers.

I have a generic modular SSR that I use for nearly everything. It looks like this:



Part of the problem with adding anything too detailed is that there just isn't much left to connect to. I suppose I could put a hinge on their back:

[Lorc]

That last design with the three pipes looks like a winner to me.

Although the one with the two pipes in font of each other would very nice if it didn't stick out so far from the back. Perhaps worth removing one the back pieces to sink it further into the body of the twank?

[Mantisking]

You could replace the side tile with a Jumper/Clip Tile combo for mounting SSRs.

[Atavism]

That last design with the three pipes looks like a winner to me.

Although the one with the two pipes in font of each other would very nice if it didn't stick out so far from the back. Perhaps worth removing one the back pieces to sink it further into the body of the twank?

Could probably do that. Replace the 2x2 invert with a 1x2 inverted slope and put the launcher on the far edge so it doesn't conflict with the turret. I'll play around with it in the brick later.

You could replace the side tile with a Jumper/Clip Tile combo for mounting SSRs.

Also true. Only the base model currently has those side tiles though, and retrofitting the specialists would require a bricklink order.

[Mantisking]

Oh, and the Obliterator on the base model should be or not .

[CmdrRook]

Oh, and the Obliterator on the base model should be or not .

Could be a homebrew system, like my non-canon Improved Split Systems.

[mraichelson]

Ijad Parasites causing problems?

Keep laughing, bone sacks. We're reloading.

[CmdrRook]

Ijad Parasites causing problems?

Keep laughing, bone sacks. We're reloading.

Don't get too salty, it's hazardous to your health.

[Atavism]

Oh, and the Obliterator on the base model should be or not .

Could be a homebrew system, like my non-canon Improved Split Systems.

Twanks LLC cannot be held to typos present it the catalogue. All loadouts must be verified with a sales representative before delivery. (I'll fix it later... **edit: fixed**)

[Foghammer]

...temp-to-hire pilot contracting...

First of all, I'm stealing this idea. Just deal with it.

Temp-to-Hire Pilot Contracting is a registered copyright of Twanks LLC, and as soon as Cleetus gets back from his lunch break we're totally gating to your system to enforce our rights.

I gave a genuine LOL at this (not one of those fake "lol" things you see people handing out in text message conversations).

[Inanimate]

These are great in so many ways. I love the non-traditional shape of them.

[FrostCollar]

I really love these. They're so chunky and cute in design!

[Atavism]

TWANKS LLC HAS EXCITING NEW OFFERS IN ITS CATALOGUE! BUT FIRST, AN OPEN LETTER FROM OUR PROUD LEADER, GENERAL HEZERAIAH TWANKUS!

Hello my dear friends, and also those enemies who may be reading this open letter to the Solar Empire,

It has come to my attention that there are certain unsavory elements in our proud business of frame design and deployment that have stooped to attack my company, and as such, myself personally. It greatly saddens me that some would turn to mere words when their business and manufacturing practices have failed them. Yes, they use cowardly words in an attempt to fool consumers into doubting the safety of my Twanks, and Twanks LLC's commitment to their customers.

Let it be known that we will not tolerate such abuse! As soon as I have finished in my campaign to liberate the ag-planets of the Monte Saico system from their oppressive workforce, I will be personally leading an expedition to certain other systems to let my displeasure be known!

This is no idle boast. I am not a man to be trifled with. I have personally led many campaigns against the enemies of Sol and Capitalism. I have killed many men, some with my own hands and teeth, others from the relative comfort of my Twank. I am strong, courageous, and still quite potent despite my advanced years. I only eat raw meats, and the only sport from which I can derive any satisfaction is the cuckolding of bears.

You have been warned, but I am a gentleman. I seek only an apology both to my own person, and to my beloved company, Twanks LLC. Broadcast such an apology for all to see, and be spared my wrath; fail to do so and you will find yourself bearded in your own den.

That is all.

-Gen. Hezeraiah Twankus

-

YOU ASKED! WE LISTENED! THE BASIC MODEL IS NOW OFFERED WITH SSR EQUIPMENT STANDARD!



LOOK! THERE IT IS NOW!

-

WORRIED ABOUT MOBILITY LIKE THESE GUYS? NEED SOME HAND TO HAND LIKE WHATEVER THIS THING IS? PREPARE FOR LUDICROUS SPEED!!!



THE REDESIGNED SPEED SPECIALIST COMES TO YOU AS THE "JAVEWIN" SPEED TWANK! WITH BOOSTERS ( ) A RAMMING NOSECONE ( ) AND A SLEEK NEW DESIGN ( )

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BORED OF RUN OF THE MILL FRAMES? NEED SOME STEAM FOR YOUR PUNK? TRY THE HMS TWANK, TODAY, AND RECEIVE A FREE THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE SSR UPGRADE!!!



Comes with a novel banner ( ) heavy cannon and matching punt gun ( ) heavily shod barrel legs ( ) and parrot ( )

-

WANT MORE? HAVE IT! TAKE IT! SUPER SNEAKY NON-COMBAT SPY-DRONE IS HERE TO SURVEIL YOUR ENEMIES FROM AFAR, OR NOT SO AFAR!!!



-

ORDER TODAY AND GET A FREE "I STAND WITH TWANKUS" HAT!!!

[Atavism]

I really love these. They're so chunky and cute in design!

These are great in so many ways. I love the non-traditional shape of them.

Thanks guys! Glad these tubby little guys have gotten such a warm reception.

[Blorf]

These new additions are fantastic. The ramming twank is hilarious!

ORDER TODAY AND GET A FREE "I STAND WITH TWANKUS" HAT!!!

If I wore hats, and there was anyone within about 3 hours organizing games, I would implore you to produce this thing, and I would wear it to all of them.

[Atavism]

These new additions are fantastic. The ramming twank is hilarious!

ORDER TODAY AND GET A FREE "I STAND WITH TWANKUS" HAT!!!

If I wore hats, and there was anyone within about 3 hours organizing games, I would implore you to produce this thing, and I would wear it to all of them.

Well, with some (very brief) dinking around, I found a place that'll do clipart and stuff. Was getting excited until it told me I needed a minimum of 12 at just shy of $30 a pop.



EDIT

Found another place, less options, but more like 25 bucks for one, and 20 each for a small bulk order. Tempting...